Big fight with the wife last night

We got into it last night. The wife says "You're stupid!". I said "I know." She says "What do you mean you know"...I said, "I married you didn't I!"

Marriage is just a case of mind over matter. Once my wife makes up her mind what I think doesn't matter.

Box Wine

Just read on the side of my box of wine that packaging allows the wine to stay fresh for months! I'll be honest, all I need is for it to be fresh for minutes.

You know how I judge my wine...by the alcohol content.

Bought a real nice wine rack but I had to return it. There's no places for the boxed wine.

I've been left!

My wife left took the kid and left me yesterday.

Yeah, she went to Seattle to visit her mother.

Be your own boss

I saw an add in the paper saying I could be my own boss....I called and it was about starting your own business. I thought they were going to give me suggestions about getting rid of my wife!

My wife

My wife asked me if I would ever have an affair....I said, "No, the last thing I need is having 2 women telling me what to do.

Ike and the Bible Belt

Bible Belt

I not only live the Bible belt but now I find that you can buy belts with Bible passages on them. They're real Bible belts. I don't know if you can order your favorite verse or if you have to buy off the rack.

Y-IKE-S as in Hurricane Ike

If you haven't seen the Alamo you'd better get here by Friday because it may not be here on Saturday.

This hurricane is threatening the nation with a disaster like not other. It will make the devastation of the 1989 earthquake in CA seem like nothing! The disaster I'm talking about this the cancellation the UT-Arkansas game in Austin on Saturday.

Mother Nature

Heat is nature's way of telling you to slow down. Humidity is nature's way of saying...I MEAN IT!